“You Let Us Lick Your Baby’s Mouth, But Not Sit on the Couch?!” – A Dog’s Confused Rant (With Science)
Let’s talk about a strange human habit:
You freak out when we sit on your fancy white couch…
But then let us lick your babies’ faces—right after we’ve licked our butts.
Yes, hoomans, we’ve noticed. 😶
We dogs are loyal, adorable, and full of love.
But we also lick everything: our bits, our buddies’ bits, that mysterious green blob on the sidewalk, and whatever smells interesting on the neighbor’s trash bin.
And then?
You hand us your toddler.
We sniff.
We smooch.
We SLURP.
On the lips. 😘
Meanwhile, you’re filming it like it’s a Hallmark moment.
“But It’s So Cute!” – Said Every Parent Ever
Sure, it’s cute until you Google “can I get sick from dog saliva?” and the results come back like a WebMD horror movie.
Let’s break it down:
🧪 What’s in Dog Saliva?
Dog mouths aren’t cleaner than human mouths (sorry to bust the myth).
Their saliva can contain bacteria like:
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Capnocytophaga canimorsus – which can be harmful especially to kids or immunocompromised people.
-
Salmonella, E. coli, and other party crashers from the last thing we licked.
-
Parasites from feces we investigate (and sometimes eat, let’s be honest).
So yeah. That cute kiss might come with a side of microscopic stowaways.
👶 Babies and Dogs: Adorable, But Keep It PG
Your baby’s immune system is still growing.
They’re also chewing socks and eating dust bunnies, so they don’t need help from us to get sick.
When we lick their faces—or worse, their mouths—we could accidentally introduce:
-
Gastrointestinal infections
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Worms (yup, Toxocara is real)
-
Skin irritations or eye infections
So maybe let’s keep the kisses above the neck, shall we?
💬 A Message from Us Dogs
Look, we’re not judging.
We get it. We’re adorable.
And yeah, we did just eat a chicken bone from a stranger’s bin, but now we’re ready to cuddle.
But if you let us lick your baby’s mouth, and then turn around and yell when we hop on the couch…
We’re confused.
We’re offended.
We’re licking ourselves in protest.
🐾 Final Thoughts:
Kissing dogs isn’t always dangerous, especially if we’re well-groomed and healthy.
But letting us go full tongue-to-mouth with your toddler is probably not the smartest move.
Remember:
“You let us eat food off the floor… then lick your babies in the mouth…
…and THEN kiss us because it’s so cute.
But won’t let us sit on the couch?
Hoomans.
Do you even know where else we lick?”